Today we are going to talk about fighting. Yep, that's right. How to have a fight with your spouse - advice from a wedding photographer for this Adventure Called Marriage.
Oh come on! You don't really think it's all going to be rainbows and sunshine do ya?
Never Fight. Have Animated Conversations!
Now this piece of wonderful advice came from a couple married over SIXTY-FIVE years! How did they make it all this time? Well I asked them.
Most of the time I find the couple married the longest at a wedding and get a little piece of marriage advice. Most of the time it's advice you would expect, but this piece was so profound it has stuck to me. My husband and I use it to diffuse a tense situation, especially when we are fighting over something extremely silly. And if you think about it, most fights are extremely silly. So they said they never fight. Of course, I didn't believe that for one minute. I remember getting in quite a few arguments with my husband and we had been married 15 years, I think, when I met Robert and Cecile Barnett. They both went on to explain that they never call it a fight, and they never call each other names. And once one of them realized they were fighting, they would call it an animated conversation, which always made them stop and think and usually laugh. Which diffused the situation and then they could talk it out and resolve whatever it was they were fighting about in the first place.
This is Robert and Cecile Barnett on their wedding day, along with their parents. (Photo credit: Christie Barnett Cain, daughter of the Barnett's and one of my moms)
So the next time you start to fight, remember to only have animated conversations! You may get loud, but you can calm it down and get through it...TOGETHER!
Here's to sixty-five years!
BONUS tip from a photographer friend:
""Five high fives a day." If you don't see eye to eye and want to get mad, the other can likely see it coming. When things get heated, raise up that hand for a high five, the spouse MUST agree to always high five you back, no matter how pissed they are. No words. Just raise the hand and wait for the exchange. It breaks the tension, stops you in your tracks and makes you realize it's not worth the fight. A cool down period. And tends to make you giggle since all you wanna do is punch them in the face (only half kidding) seriously though, try it. I heard of this maybe year 8 into my marriage...it's bought us another 7, closing in on 8 more for a total of 16 years September 12th this year ♡ almost 3 years and a world of experiences of differences between us, married at 19 first baby at 20... I still love the man and haven't killed him yet!"
Do you have any words of wisdom about fighting? Share in the comments.
In case you missed it, here's Observation #1.